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My wife had a clarifying phrase she began to use early on in her pregnancy when she was hit exceptionally hard with morning sickness: All bets are off. The phrase was shorthand for a more complicated sentiment she was beginning to feel at the time. I never fully explored the long version, but I imagine something like this: Although I earn a living as a researcher, no amount of research has prepared me for the nauseating, exhausting, and debilitating effect that has overtaken my body and which I'm not fully prepared to deal with or explain; whatever control you may demanded of my irritability level before this pregnancy is no longer a concern of mine and, until you become pregnant and face the discomfort I'm currently dealing with, the propriety of my behavior is not up for discussion.
I've become pretty well versed with the sentiment noted above and the dangers involved in not heeding its warning. So much so, in fact, that I now feel it necessary to make clear that the sentiment itself is pure conjecture on my part and has in no way ever been stated or insinuated by my wife. If I were to translate it into shorthand, it might look a little more like this: Stay out of a pregnant woman's way (and mind the postnatal gap).
As a man, what you've asked your partner to do when you agree to have a child is something you will never get the chance to do yourself. While that makes pregnancy and childbirth and body disfigurement and putting a career on hold sound like something that involves pure joy and celebration, don't make the mistake of going down that thought path. Your partner is making serious and profound (not to mention occasionally inconvenient and painful) lifestyle adjustments by agreeing to carry your child. When you put it into perspective, there's really no excuse to not show your support through unconditional respect for her position and needs.
Now that you've figured out how to not cross her, put some effort into shielding yourself. A pregnant woman's discomfort can often result in irritability shown to those closest to her--that includes (if it's not specific to) you. Don't take it personally. She's not upset at you, she's upset at how difficult nature has made it for her to give birth. And although she may seem like she's holding a grudge at times and she plans on being angry at you for years to come, this will all pass. Consider it a small price to pay for the wealth of bringing a child to life.
What to do? Simply be attentive, considerate, and willing to put up with it. Barring physical or sustained verbal or emotional abuse, the inconvenience involved in listening to your partner endlessly complain about how tired she is, what this pregnancy has done to her body, and how little attention you pay to her is not even in the same ballpark as, say, pushing a small child between your hips. Simply put: you've got the easy job. So don't make a big deal out of her wanting to vent about how difficult the hard parts are.
Here are some other pregnancy and parenting resources on The Funky Stork that you will find useful:
Thefunkystork.com is a pregnancy resource and parenting guide for expectant fathers and new dads. It provides only general information designed for educational purposes, and does not offer pregnancy or pediatric advice. You should always consult a physician about concerns you have with your pregnancy or your child's health.
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