Keep tantrums at bay with these 19 strategies for making you a better parent of a better kid.

By Timothy R. Schulte 

Shouts of, “I don’t wanna! I don’t wanna! I DON’T WANNA!” followed by foot stomping, sob-filled wailing and an occasional fall to the floor for some ill-natured tantrum throwing can make any parent eager to appease a torrid tot.

For many parents, that’s the typical response from their child when asked to do something that doesn’t seem too desirable. And asking again doesn’t always seem to work.

“A lot of times a pattern will develop: You ask them to do it, they don’t listen. [After] the second or third time they don’t have to do what’s being said,” says Toni Schutta, a parent coach and author based in St. Paul, Minn.

Parents often get as upset as their tot when dealing with the cycle of anger and resistance: part of a child’s defiance may be rooted in the parenting style. If the parent has a hard-line, authoritative approach, the child could be reacting to the fact that it’s too rigid. Parents and children each have their own temperament, which is often not the same one.

“It’s a way for them to be independent from you,” Schutta says.

Also, they may be trying to remove themselves from stressors in their life, such as divorce, death or a new school, and are attempting to bring some power and control back into their world.

However, there is defense against defiance.

Schutta suggests parents take note of the situations in which their child is being defiant, and then have targeted interventions around those times, be it bedtime or when it comes to doing homework. Examine what problems lead to the acting up, and use a checklist-and-reward system to establish a routine. Also, she says parents should be sure to spend quality one-on-one time with their child. Children who feel close to their parents will have a harder time refusing them. Parents also should be cognizant of whether they’re communicating positively or if they’re yelling or being sarcastic or rude, she says.